32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
