I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
