i just wanna soil my oats bro
just tell him i said nine months
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
