I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
