sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
