i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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