Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
