How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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