i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
