hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
