omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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