mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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