We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
