You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
