i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
