Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
