pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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