I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
