I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
