She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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