Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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