No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
