did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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