He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
