Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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