Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's just like the Real World with babies
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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