i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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