At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
