Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
