We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
