thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
