I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
where are my eyebrows?
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