pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
