is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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