This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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