Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
