I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
