Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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