Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
