Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
