Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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