So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
