What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
