Do you still have your period?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
