Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
