yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
