glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
