just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I enjoy the company of your penis
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
