I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
