I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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