Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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